Quick note you guys

On a quick and unimportant note:

I changed the address of this blog a while ago out of sheer boredom (the new address was a little bit pretentious tbh), but now I'm changing it back to the old ones just because there are so many digital footprints of the old address scattered in search engines. And I think you guys (whoever you are) are more familiar with the old address, so it'll be easy to find me now.

I suppose that would be all. 

If you are hoping to find a new post to read, well, sorry to disappoint. 

Bad News

Rasanya ngga peduli sudah seberapa sering mempersiapkan diri untuk segala kemungkinan terburuk, begitu dihadapkan pada kenyataannya ya tetap saja ngedown. Mungkin karena dibalik persiapan-persiapan matang itu tanpa sadar masih ada setitik kecil harapan kalau nantinya kemungkinan-kemungkinan buruk itu tidak akan terjadi, makanya persiapan sudah sedemikian rupa tapi masih aja tetap down begitu dengar kabar buruknya.

Lagipula, siapa sih yg siap mendengar berita buruk?

No Eid's Picture This Year

This year's Eid is different than the rest of Eid I had.

First of all, we have Covid-19 which is suck and scares the hell out of people (the smart ones at least), we can't go anywhere because the virus is easily spread and it is deadly, thus no family gathering as well. The second, it was the first Eid my mother and I had to go through without my brother. It felt weird not having him here celebrating Eid with us. The house felt a lot more empty than it was before.

Well, fingers crossed

I guess the reason why I've been hesitating to write about us, the story and every little thing like I used to, is because I don't want to add another name in here if it's only going to waste just like other names before him and end up adding another number to the long list of a failed relationship. 

"This distance is the war, so let's fight it together."

- us against the odds.

Surprise Me!

“Ya ampun...”

Kata saya terkejut sambil mengubah posisi badan, dari rebahan (seperti yg biasa saya lakukan) menjadi duduk karena baru menyadari satu (atau beberapa) hal. Seperti ada yg menyalakan lampu di dalam otak saya, semua menjadi sejelas titik noda hitam di atas kertas putih.

I am still processing this. Even after more than thirty days, I still can't grasp the idea that my brother isn't here anymore. He wasn't always home, and we weren't always talking to each other, but still, not seeing him anymore is just...

Sometimes I feel all of this is just too much for me to handle.

Alone/Lonely

I spent years believing I would be fine on my own, and I don't need a man to survive in this world. I can do it all by myself, I saw my mother doing it her whole life, and so I thought why can't I?

Yet I fell in love. 

Although none of them lasted for a long time since they gave up prematurely. And every time goodbye was spoken to me, it makes me believe it even more.

But after times, it gets lonely.

Yang pergi, relakan.
Yang belum, suatu saat nanti akan.
Yang hilang, nanti digantikan.

Semoga apapun yang baik sudah menanti di depan.

31 December 2019

2020: Memulai Kembali

Impian yang belum tercapai, hubungan yang harus selesai, rencana-rencana yang sudah disusun rapi harus diulang dari awal lagi, dan segala bentuk kegagalan lainnya yang dialami di tahun 2019.