"Are you gonna get married?"

was the question I got yesterday from one of my colleagues back in the Philippines. Honestly, I used to be against marriage. I didn't want to get married because I always thought marriage was only destined to end in divorce. So what's the point of getting married if I will just end up getting a divorce in the end?

I heard a lot of stories of parents divorced and how it affected their children. Stories about the father cheating with a younger woman and even have a child with the mistress. Or the mother cheated and get pregnant with another man's child. That's fucked up. Like I said before, marriage doesn't guarantee anything. These stories were coming from my close friends and from my relatives. 

And then those failed relationships I had in the past didn't help as well. I got cheated on, they left me, they said I was too complicated, and even worse, one of them said I was too good for them. Yeah, no shit. 

That was why I always thought I'd be better off marriageless. 

But then, after I broke up with my last ex, I had a lot of thinking and self-reflecting. And I tried (and still trying) to forgive myself for everything that happened in the past, for all the reasons people left me, and why I had such a bad start in life. The weight slightly lifted, even though it wasn't much, but it was still a progress.

So, after months of thinking, marriage doesn't seem so bad on me. It's a lifetime partnership. It's a nice thought that I won't have to go through life alone. We can rely on each other, and I won't be so frustrated by myself anymore because we can figure everything out together. Or being clueless together. Whichever works out best. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being alone, and I'm okay with it. But knowing there's someone I can count on to besides myself warms me. So, to answer the question, I'd say, 

"I will, someday." 

And, please let's stop the question here because there's always a follow-up question coming right after.

2 September 2021