the void

It hurts.

But knowing the room is back to empty, there's no more story to be told, everything must switch back to the way before anything ever happened, there is just... no more, they triple the pain.

The void it left behind is excruciating.

self-centered

Mungkin kamu terlalu cinta dengan dirimu sendiri, sampai lupa bagaimana mencintai orang lain yang bukan dirimu. Tidak tahu apa-apa soal timbal balik, yang penting semua perhatian tercurah padamu, perihal pihak lain merasa diacuhkan rasanya pun kamu takkan pernah sadar. Kamu sebegitu tidak pedulinya sampai remah roti yang bertebaran di mana-mana tak pula dihiraukan.

Hebat.

Ada Cerita Apa Hari Ini?

Gimana hari ini di kantor? Ada cerita apa?

Hehehe ngga apa-apa, aku lagi kepengen ngobrol aja karena sepertinya kita sudah jarang ngobrol panjang lebar (gara-gara akunya pulang telat terus).

I hope it's enough.

There was not much I can do since it was not my place anymore, and I don't want to step out of line, or causing an unnecessary drama. But to be honest, it broke my heart to pieces seeing someone I know very well who's always been strong, shattered before my own eyes.

this is all I have for now.

I get to this age where my friends are off to their marriages one by one. And I get that question a lot, when will I get married too like them? To be honest, I still don't know whether I want to get married or not. It's still a question I am struggling to answer.

Your past does not define you

It's never been easy to accept someone's past, no matter how messed up it was. And finding that person who would wholeheartedly accept your every being, past, present, and who could you become, to really accept it without having to bring it up on every argument, is just as difficult as letting go of the past itself. Even to accept your own past, sometimes you need to break your back, let alone someone else's.

The past is always going to be a chapter in your life that you could never get rid of. There's always going to be complexity, catastrophic events, joyful moments in those chapters of your life, but then, it doesn't mean it can define your whole existence as a human. Your past does not define you.

they say it's take and give.
but if you keep taking and taking
without giving anything,
and you keep on taking from me
until there's nothing left
what's there for me then?

enggan beranjak
namun tak ada lagi tempat untuk berpijak
lantas hati terlanjur terkoyak
kau yang menyerah pada ombak
sedang aku yang berjuang untuk terus tegak
kita kalah bertarung melawan jarak

bukan, bukan kita
kau.

The scariest part about falling in love is when you permit someone to enter your life. They can see all there is, in all shapes and all forms. When you let someone in, you have to be ready with the consequences as well, they can walk out anytime, and you can't do anything about it. Even the part of letting someone in is already terrifying enough, let alone watching them walk out.

Harusnya jangan kau injak pelan-pelan,
Gilas saja langsung sekalian.