Believe me or not, I'm not that good. At least here, where I'm basically go all "Goo goo gaa gaa.". I have to keep my ears all wide open to catch what they're saying. Some with accents, some with no accent but talk really fast. And sometimes when I tried to answered their questions, my mind went all blank. My brain suddenly go "404 page not found" in vocabulary section.
"Why do I became like this?"The very question I've been occasionally asked to my own self.
Maybe I got intimidated by how these people talking with their perfect English, because I wasn't used to talked in this language for a daily basis. Back at home I barely used English to talking with friends or people. If I did that, they would raised one eyebrow and thought that I was too show-off, too smarty-pants, and soon they would probably stay away from me. Idk, perhaps.
So it's kinda exhausting every time they expected answers from me with a proper grammar or at least with good-speaking English, because I have to put all of my brain's effort to digging through the nerves where the vocabulary lies. Plus I have to try not to sound gibberish-y when talking, because my mouth and tongue got really nervous they sometimes slipped.
Yeah.
Even my manager said that I'm a quiet person. Me. A quiet person. That's the first time in my life that someone called me a quiet person. Ever. I find it quite shocking to be honest. Nobody ever said I'm a quiet person. But maybe I come across like that because I have a hard time to communicate or just making a simple chit-chat with my coworkers, so I just sit there in silence instead.
Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit. Maybe they're fine with my English as long as they can understand what I'm saying. Maybe it's just me who got scared way too much with this language barrier. And maybe it's just me, still trying to adapt with everything.
Office,
00.45 am | 7th May 2016
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