Kumandang Sunyi

Sepertinya begini:

Air mata yang jatuh diam-diam,
dan isak tangis yang ditahan dalam-dalam
adalah yang paling kencang gaungnya,
yang paling pilu laranya,
dan yang tidak pernah sampai pada mata dan telinga sesiapa.

Will it be enough someday?

I just want to feel enough.

I want to be strong enough.
I want to be understood enough.
I want to be normal enough.
I want to heal enough.

I just want to be enough.

This is all I got, is this enough?
When is enough truly enough?

Hi, how are you?

I hope you are well. 

I know it's been a while, but I want you to know that I'm not forgetting nor abandoning you. I'm currently embarking on an exciting journey, one that I have never thought I would have the courage to do. This voyage requires a lot of my time, so I'm a bit, if not a lot, preoccupied by it.

Yaudah, minal aidin wal faidzin.

Sebetulnya kepengin nulis supaya blognya ngga merasa dicuekin, tapi saya juga ngga tahu harus nulis apa hahahah. Kalau kata pacar saya karena lagi bahagia makanya bingung mau nulis apa. Ya ngga salah juga sih, karena memang paling gampang nulis itu kalau sedang galau. Apalagi sehabis putus cinta, wah... nulisnya bisa ngga berhenti.

Second year of absence

It's always been unbearable for me to go about my day around the death anniversary of my brother. I spent the past year trying to put myself back together, it always shattered around his death anniversary, and I have to do this all over again. It's endless.

2021 Recap

"Bengong, bengong, bengong, tau-tau udah 2022 aja."

 

That is what I keep saying to myself because I still can't believe a year has passed so quickly. After the chaotic year of 2020, I didn't expect 2021 would be any different. But 2021 turned out quite good.

 

Here's my 2021 recap.

 

"I did my best, yet it's still not enough."

- ...

Grief

I realized death is really just around the corner, but I never really thought it would be that fast.

My brother was admitted to the hospital on Thursday night, 6th February 2020, it was for surgery to remove an abscess on his back. His condition worsened when I got there on Friday. We moved him to the ICU on Friday night, hoping he might get better. He didn't. His heart gave out by Saturday morning, around 9-10 am.

Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

I turned 28 on the first day of November which happened on Monday. I dislike Monday a little bit less, only on that particular day. 

 

Not much happened. My boss has the same birth date as me, so they threw a birthday surprise for him, and I was just tagging along, lol. He brought us Mexican foods from Taco Bell, and good God, I think I shed a tear a little bit because I've been craving some Mexican food since last month.

 

One Opportunity

As you grow older, the expectations people have about you increase as well. It sucks, but somehow it's just how society is. For example, if you turn thirty, they expect you to be married, have a baby on the way, sitting in a managerial position at your work, and own a house.