Games you can't win

There are some games you were not meant to win.

You give your all, but still, the finish line keeps moving farther. It's always dead end after dead end. It's not fun anymore — just a grueling, rough sea you're forced to swim through, chasing a trophy that keeps drifting further away.

The cost of choices

"Every action bears consequences"

I thought everyone knew that.

You ate a rotten fruit, and you got sick.

You ignored your homework assignment, and you got a penalty from your teacher.

You became reckless with your health—hello, hospitals.

You cheat on your partner, and no one trusts you anymore; now, you're branded a serial cheater. 

Bang! Pow! Boom! Blam!

Tahun 2025 baru berjalan sampai di kuartal 2, tapi saya ngerasa banyak banget drama di hidup saya dari awal tahun. Dan untuk seseorang yang paling males drama-dramaan, tahun ini malah dikasih drama yang DAR DER DOR DUAR. Jujur, energi saya juga jadi terkuras karenanya, saya juga jadi sering nangis, baik itu di rumah maupun di kantor. Saya yakin beberapa dari kita pasti pernah merasakan nangis di kamar mandi kantor, dan kayaknya pada akhirnya memang kita akan merasakan fase nangis di kamar mandi kantor.

The Day I Stopped Giving Too Much

Some people just don’t deserve you. And sometimes, you don’t realize that until you’ve given too much, be it your attention, your time, or your energy, to people who never truly saw you.

It’s a sign for you to stop giving that much. Because I’ve been in that position and I know the pain.

Cosmos

I stumbled upon this picture on Twitter.

James Webb's deep space image

It looks ordinary, just like the other outer space picture. But if you zoom in and see those tiny dots here and there, they are galaxies—lots of them. And I started muttering while looking at the picture, "We can't be the only one in the universe—we just can't!"

Rewind the clock

"What do you want your mother to do if you could turn back time?"

I want my mother to find a better man than my father.

She has many dreams, places to go, and things to do, which all go to waste because she married my dad. She could've been this astonishing and marvellous woman surrounded by all the world's most beautiful things. She could've travelled to the other side of the earth and seen the beauty of nature. She could've enjoyed her life. She could've been happier.

Age up, face up, you got this!

Holy shit, we are reaching a new height; I'm officially turning 31 today. Yikes. 

I can't believe we are in this chapter already. Time does not want to slow down, not even a bit. Oh God, wow... I age up. It doesn't feel like it, though. I don't feel it in myself that I'm in my 30s, do you know what I mean? The essence of it is just nonexistence. My whole being is refusing that I am getting old.

Hmpfh...

"Mungkin emang harusnya dirayain aja semua kehilangan, tanda tanya, rindu, dan segala macam bentuk jalan buntu."

- Semua aku rayakan.

4 Januari 2020

Belly up

Sejauh rentang dekapmu, sejauh itu pula kudorong segenap hati ini makin dekat ke tepi. Berlomba adu pandang dengan jurang di bawah sana. Ramah genggam tanganmu menggoda dinding angkuhku untuk luruh tak bersisa, tameng terakhirku untuk menahan seutas kalimat yang sudah menggantung di ujung lidah. 

Lalu kau bawa kedua bibir itu untuk bertamu dalam sebuah kecup. Aku mengedip, dan jatuh sebebas-bebasnya.

30 Maret 2021.

Lima puluh ribu.

Kemarin (19 Februari 2022) gue diajak ngopi bareng pacar dan salah satu temannya di daerah Rawamangun. Awal obrolan banyak tentang startup, lengkap dengan istilah-istilah familiarnya: venture capital, seed funding, fintech, angel investor, dll. Untungnya gue masih sering baca-baca berita dan ngga asing dengan istilah-istilah ataupun obrolan mereka, jadi masih bisa ikut ngobrol. Dari startup, sampai obrolan tentang dunia parfum. Minuman juga sudah habis, akhirnya kita pesan minum lagi.

Lalu obrolan kita berlanjut ke topik yang lebih personal, atau istilahnya "curhat".