Second year of absence

It's always been unbearable for me to go about my day around the death anniversary of my brother. I spent the past year trying to put myself back together, it always shattered around his death anniversary, and I have to do this all over again. It's endless.

2021 Recap

"Bengong, bengong, bengong, tau-tau udah 2022 aja."

 

That is what I keep saying to myself because I still can't believe a year has passed so quickly. After the chaotic year of 2020, I didn't expect 2021 would be any different. But 2021 turned out quite good.

 

Here's my 2021 recap.

 

"I did my best, yet it's still not enough."

- ...

Grief

I realized death is really just around the corner, but I never really thought it would be that fast.

My brother was admitted to the hospital on Thursday night, 6th February 2020, it was for surgery to remove an abscess on his back. His condition worsened when I got there on Friday. We moved him to the ICU on Friday night, hoping he might get better. He didn't. His heart gave out by Saturday morning, around 9-10 am.

Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

I turned 28 on the first day of November which happened on Monday. I dislike Monday a little bit less, only on that particular day. 

 

Not much happened. My boss has the same birth date as me, so they threw a birthday surprise for him, and I was just tagging along, lol. He brought us Mexican foods from Taco Bell, and good God, I think I shed a tear a little bit because I've been craving some Mexican food since last month.

 

One Opportunity

As you grow older, the expectations people have about you increase as well. It sucks, but somehow it's just how society is. For example, if you turn thirty, they expect you to be married, have a baby on the way, sitting in a managerial position at your work, and own a house. 

"Are you gonna get married?"

was the question I got yesterday from one of my colleagues back in the Philippines. Honestly, I used to be against marriage. I didn't want to get married because I always thought marriage was only destined to end in divorce. So what's the point of getting married if I will just end up getting a divorce in the end?

Broken Compass

It's like driving. 

The road starts to twist and turn, birthing intersection here and there. Streetlights are no use for guidance, they dim rapidly. And street signs are nowhere to be found. There's no map to help because it would be cheating, they said. So I just stop there at the red light, watching all the cars around me rushing past.

Time stood still

I thought there was something wrong with my ears when he said, "Let's end this.". But no, my ears were fine. Us, on the other hand, apparently were not.

"Some people are just born lucky they get through life comfortably, while the rest of us struggling to make it through the day. But hey, life is never fair."

- it sucks, but ya gotta suck it up either way.